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Wednesday, March 29, 2006
10:46 AM

long time nv post long entries... after a talk with lao lao

yes... after today... the project period will be over!!! woohoo... finally can get back to my normal life again... i hate yet love the project period... i hate it when all the datelines clashes... i hate it when it deprives me of my sleep... i hate it when i'm stuck... i love it because it makes me work... i love it when i know that i really dunno how to manage time (i like to realise my mistakes, but unfortunately, i never change)

time management is really my biggest problem, and this problem is most probably related to procastination... tsk... feel like slapping myself sometimes, "won't shed tears unless i sees coffin" talked to lao lao (my lecturer for philo last sem, and history this sem) for 2 1/2 hrs at his office last friday... it was a good talk... i was rather moved to see such a passionate teacher... i swear that i have never seen such a teacher before... we really talked about many things... that seems "the?" to many people... but so what? u think people will do all these "the?" things?

we talked about "self-realisation" (sorry for my bad translation, should be 自觉 in chinese) we should be clear of what we are doing, clear of our goals, know what going on in our surrounding environment... the? u know or not? if you know, congrats!

we should decide our own future, we believes that we write the script of our own life... we should be living the way we want to be, and not under the manipulation of other people... for eg, you should be going to uni because u love to study, like to cultivate yourself, and not because your mum asks you to do so... when u are doing a piece of art, are you doing it so as to express your feelings, because it's something you like, or because the mass like it? (talking about fine art here)you shouldn't be doing what the society wants you to do... the? then what are you doing now? if you are doing something you like now, congrats!

what makes u think that a person is knowledgable? take a professor for example... erm... been a prof in a "branded" university? conducting interesting lectures with the highest quotas of student? wrote many academic essays, published many books and won a number of prizes? hmm... this is what the society thinks... even if a prof achieved all of the above, he or she may not really have the knowledge of life... (i'm not sure whether i've been clear here, please pardon me...) we are not been jealous here, but we really think these achievements cannot totally decide whether a person is knowledgable... (PS i have met a school cleaner, Shanti, in OPSS 2 years ago whom i think is knowledgable... feels that she's the most clear-minded in the whole school.)

hmm... there's a period of time that i feel that it's pointless studying... but now, i found back the meaning of studying (i would actually prefer to say reading) again... studying is really not about the grades and cert... it's for your own... self-cultivation... (the? many people also know how to say mah) (hello, that's provided u read the right books and really understand the meaning of life) i'm reading a module on 史记 this sem... may sounds teribble to some people... history of china??? well, i really feel that it's a good book... it's not just a history book... it's a book of life... （究天人之际、通今古之变、成一家之言）you'll be surprise (should u?) to see the similar problems and similar types of people（史记以人为中心） from the book existing now... well... man study history... but never learn from history... although i haven't really seen the true face of the society, but i think it wouldn't be much of a difference from what i've read from the book... (feels like puking now...)

oh ya... lao lao recommended a new friend to me... a PHD student (female, he told me yesterday) who is interested in art too... she can share her experiences with me... haven't seen her before (should have but not sure who she is, at first i thought is Kiang YY) scared will have nothing to say to her (cos she's a stranger to me) but is still happy to find someone who shares the same interest with me...

DEATHNOTE..L

Monday, March 20, 2006
6:54 PM

住在组屋的确很没有隐私权。。。只要说话声量大一点儿，整座组屋都听得到，大喊更不用说了。虽然说“家家有本难念的经”，但是我楼上家的“经”，却是用喊出来的。我不懂马来话，所以听起来真的很想喊出来的“经”。。。（我先声明，这里没有种族歧视的意思，我不想被警察抓！）终于平息下来了，刚才我还真担心会闹出人命。。。

可以说自己想说的话了。。。唉。。。我现在开始担心了。。。我们将会是一群被瞧不起的人。。。虽然是修读中文系，但中文基础其实不稳，而且学的东西很杂，没有一个能钻研的。。。现在的学生接触的是双重文化，即使是中学或高中生懂得可能比我们大专生更多。。。将来踏出社会后，他们将会是我们强烈的竞争者。。。可悲的是，许多大专生似乎还没觉醒，仍然活在自己的世界，根本不知道自己所陷入的困境。。。这一切到底是社会的错，还是自己的错。。。教育部一直把我们这一批人当作白老鼠，让我们的教育过程一直被打乱。。。但是，我觉得自己也得付上责任，我们还是可以自己进修那些不足的。。。所有的错，都是应为自己懒惰。。。我真的不想爬着进来，又爬着出去。。。就算到最后还不会跑，至少也要堂堂正正地走出去。。。

DEATHNOTE..L

Friday, March 17, 2006
10:04 AM

我说：哦天啊!!! 你能不能把我身上的懒惰虫拿掉啊？我不想每次都在最后一分钟，带着提心吊胆的心情来赶报告。或者，你让我早一点觉悟？让我早一点开始写报告？不然的好，你就赐我神奇的力量，在很短的时间内，写出一份绝好的报告？哦，太贪心了，能写出一份像样的报告就行了。可以吗？

神说：管我屁事... ...

DEATHNOTE..L

Tuesday, March 14, 2006
6:15 PM

什么是人文关怀？人文泛指人类社会的各种文化现象。文化指人类在历史发展过程中创造的总成果，包括宗教、道德、艺术、科学等各方面。那什么才算宗教？什么是道德？什么才算艺术？科学是什么东东？越想越不通！

DEATHNOTE..L

Saturday, March 11, 2006
4:02 PM

Man? Woman?

my dear yamapi... kon!

woo... featuring junki in elle

jaejoong caught bitting his finger

devilish looking kame

DEATHNOTE..L

Saturday, March 04, 2006
1:25 PM

择“偶”条件
（佩佩说应该用电脑拼出来才会有这样的人）

1。论外形，要有阴柔的外表，例如像郑元畅、李俊基或金在中这类型的。比女人还美。

2。但是不能娘娘腔。三八可以接受，但是不要一味地装可爱或装得很妖艳。这有点儿难定义。比如说昨晚《我猜我猜我猜猜猜》里那些所谓的少女系男孩全部不行。总之要自然，不要一站出来就令人忐忑不安。

3。很巧的，我所喜欢的偶像都身怀绝技。例如申慧星和李俊基都是跆拳道高手，李俊基还是釜山的跆拳道代表呢。周杰伦和陶喆都属音乐才子。金在中算有才华，但他更吸引我的地方是他勇于为梦想而奋斗的精神。郑元畅嘛，耍三八算是他的才华吧，呃。。。演戏碰到对的导演就会很好。

4。要有幽默感、层次不够就喜感。

5。要成熟。这里指思想方面，与年龄无关。

6。最好是身材要好，我喜欢的偶像很多是有六块腹肌的喔。身高嘛，当然高一点儿好，不高我也不会鄙视你。肩膀要阔，这样身材才会成“V”字形，俗称衣架子。嘿嘿，不过这点不是强制性的。如果不幸是个有福气的人或者是要与难民们共患难的人，其实心地善良才是最重要的。外表并不能长久，能长久的是内涵与气质。（不知道为什么我在打这行字的时候一直在笑）

7。最重要的是我喜欢。哇哈哈哈哈！！！

DEATHNOTE..L

talked to minzhi thru skype last night till 2am (considered late for me lar) realised that quite many people from chung cheng high main had changed a lot... or had encountered very dramatic experiences... hehe... and our group is the minority... people can still recognised us even if we are burned into ashes... (sound negative) aiya... of course i thought of changing... esp when i'm going into a new school or environment... i always hope to start anew, be a new me in a new environment... but... i'm always back to my own self again... hmm... that seems good too... at least i know i'm still myself now... though i may be losing myself gradually...

sigh... thought of someone again... tsk... when suddenly thought of that person again? it has been so many years liao but i just couldn't forget that person... though i'm not searching... i'm been noticing for that person's track... maybe it's destiny... still didn't get to see that person face to face... hehe... but know that that person is still alive... good good...

hmm... think i should search for myself bah... it's more important... last night... minzhi and i were discussing what gender should i be... in the end... i still should be a female... a female with a male personality... ookkkk... i can accept that lar... i think... erm... ya lar... like this lor...

DEATHNOTE..L