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Wednesday, March 29, 2006
10:46 AM

long time nv post long entries... after a talk with lao lao

yes... after today... the project period will be over!!! woohoo... finally can get back to my normal life again... i hate yet love the project period... i hate it when all the datelines clashes... i hate it when it deprives me of my sleep... i hate it when i'm stuck... i love it because it makes me work... i love it when i know that i really dunno how to manage time (i like to realise my mistakes, but unfortunately, i never change)

time management is really my biggest problem, and this problem is most probably related to procastination... tsk... feel like slapping myself sometimes, "won't shed tears unless i sees coffin" talked to lao lao (my lecturer for philo last sem, and history this sem) for 2 1/2 hrs at his office last friday... it was a good talk... i was rather moved to see such a passionate teacher... i swear that i have never seen such a teacher before... we really talked about many things... that seems "the?" to many people... but so what? u think people will do all these "the?" things?

we talked about "self-realisation" (sorry for my bad translation, should be 自觉 in chinese) we should be clear of what we are doing, clear of our goals, know what going on in our surrounding environment... the? u know or not? if you know, congrats!

we should decide our own future, we believes that we write the script of our own life... we should be living the way we want to be, and not under the manipulation of other people... for eg, you should be going to uni because u love to study, like to cultivate yourself, and not because your mum asks you to do so... when u are doing a piece of art, are you doing it so as to express your feelings, because it's something you like, or because the mass like it? (talking about fine art here)you shouldn't be doing what the society wants you to do... the? then what are you doing now? if you are doing something you like now, congrats!

what makes u think that a person is knowledgable? take a professor for example... erm... been a prof in a "branded" university? conducting interesting lectures with the highest quotas of student? wrote many academic essays, published many books and won a number of prizes? hmm... this is what the society thinks... even if a prof achieved all of the above, he or she may not really have the knowledge of life... (i'm not sure whether i've been clear here, please pardon me...) we are not been jealous here, but we really think these achievements cannot totally decide whether a person is knowledgable... (PS i have met a school cleaner, Shanti, in OPSS 2 years ago whom i think is knowledgable... feels that she's the most clear-minded in the whole school.)

hmm... there's a period of time that i feel that it's pointless studying... but now, i found back the meaning of studying (i would actually prefer to say reading) again... studying is really not about the grades and cert... it's for your own... self-cultivation... (the? many people also know how to say mah) (hello, that's provided u read the right books and really understand the meaning of life) i'm reading a module on 史记 this sem... may sounds teribble to some people... history of china??? well, i really feel that it's a good book... it's not just a history book... it's a book of life... （究天人之际、通今古之变、成一家之言）you'll be surprise (should u?) to see the similar problems and similar types of people（史记以人为中心） from the book existing now... well... man study history... but never learn from history... although i haven't really seen the true face of the society, but i think it wouldn't be much of a difference from what i've read from the book... (feels like puking now...)

oh ya... lao lao recommended a new friend to me... a PHD student (female, he told me yesterday) who is interested in art too... she can share her experiences with me... haven't seen her before (should have but not sure who she is, at first i thought is Kiang YY) scared will have nothing to say to her (cos she's a stranger to me) but is still happy to find someone who shares the same interest with me...

DEATHNOTE..L