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Friday, January 21, 2005
12:55 PM

attended the chinese history lecture yesterday... it was by a guest speaker from Beijing University... pretty old... think 70+ but he looks radiance... perhaps he had gone through many major incidents... his talk was very sensual... i'm a slacker... but his talk motivated me... he said that the world today requires knowledge power... and the students from NUS are the elites and the future pillars of spore... （perhaps he said it out of courtesy...）suddenly, i felt so ashamed of myself... i don't think i belong to the elites... (i'm not trying to be humble here...) seriously, i'm not... but i'll try to buck up... though i've been saying this for years... typical slacker... the lecturer also said that he really admire our peaceful learning environment... no wars... no chaos... however, such ideal environment will only produce many slackers like me... the learners during the chaotic period possess learning spirit and attitude that are incomparable... we are nothing... we are just a bunch of self-centered people who take things for granted...

sometimes i'm thinking what am i doing in NUS... i remembered my friend that i didn't see for a long time was shocked when i told him i'm in NUS... he was asking "what are you doing there???" yah... i'm asking myself many times too... i don't know whether it's the right decision for me to choose this safer path and put aside my dreams... i remembered i struggled a lot before i came to this final decision... i should not be regretting... anyway, it's already semester 2 and i should just go on... i wonder how many people have this similar experience... i'm not going to give up my dreams and interests... no matter how tough it is... i'm not going to give up... i'll wait... after my graduation, i'll go and pursue my dream...

DEATHNOTE..L